Entry #3 - Vezryn


On our way back to Alera. I am doing the best I can in communicating with Daku, but when he starts talking numbers all that comes out is gibberish. I just have no idea what he is saying. I honestly don't even know if the man can write. I saw him taking down what I thought were notes while we were fighting the duergar, but I haven't seen any sign of his journal since. 

The way back hasn't been so eventful yet. We saw a bear, but let it be. Why fuck wi – SHIT! I've only ever read about dragons! I swear I just saw one. I convinced Alistair and Daku that what I saw was a dragon, but Valil keeps pushing back. We agreed to go back to Alera instead of chasing the dragon to let the adventurers guild know about it. See if they know anything else about why a Brass Dragon would be in the area. 

As we reached the road we found a strange dwarf who seemed to be muttering to himself. I wrote him off as a crazy person, not only due to the talking, but also because he was wandering the road alone. The others wanted to talk to him so I stood by. Seemed like they came to the conclusion that the dwarf's spear was somehow sentient. I let it slide, as did the rest of the group, as we moved along. 

As the sun set we found a good spot to rest. I found a good spot to meditate and succeeded…until I was awoken by the shriek of Alistair and the crash of a towering swamp monster. 

Well…there's the reason I am traveling with these guys. Without them I would have truly been killed here. We are definitely becoming a formidable group together. The only person I've ever worked with in this capacity is my Lewyn. It's definitely nice to have people to back you up. I just wish that Daku would listen more. He is probably the most impulsive man I've ever met, although he is great at what he does. 

What's that? A halfling is traveling down the road with a large bag…could be anything

Note to self: DONT cheat Daku




That time we killed Grey Dwarves
Log #2 for the Order of Zoo Wee Mama

Dictated by Daku Touye of the Umoya tribe, transcribed by Griblekin Elfflayer of the Caves recently cleared out of grey dwarves

We travelled on the road together, Daku was leading the party to the cave to kill some dwarves. Tiny demon man insist we leave off important quest to go check out some rocks. Some dirty, old rocks. We find a person on rock, half a person. No boobies. Daku finds tracks of the booby-eating monsters. Shiny man tells Daku that the monsters are Gnolls and eat more than just boobies. Daku always think that Knolls were where pansy-men frolicked. Griblekin tells Daku that he is confusing homophones. Daku looks for homophones to apologize for confusing him.

In a showing of endless kindness, Daku lends his special shovel to satisfy the weird death needs of the party. If they want to ruin some nice dirt by putting dead body down there, no skin off Daku’s back.

While party keeps looking for cave, we run into some more half-people. These half-people are elves. Griblekin demonstrates for party his general thoughts towards elvenkind with an eloquent whizz. Party borrows Daku’s strength and shovel again to put more people in the dirt for weird burial rites. Knolls eat people and Daku shovels them into the ground. This is truly the circle of life. Shoot-shoot man pipes up that Gnolls follow god of hunger. Daku not care. Daku hungry. Maybe Daku also consider following god of hunger.

Party finally reach cave, but as we go in Daku bangs his head into cave entrance. Daku staggers but doesn't trip and fall to the ground because Daku the man who never trips. As soon as we go in cave we fight tiny men. Tiny men go on to prove they are growers and not showers. Newly big men get stomped by Daku, Shiny man, and shoot-shoot man. Demon man doesn’t do much but Daku enjoys him as a battlefield ornament. Exploring cave more, we find several more not-so-tiny men and several wheels of cheese. Daku puts men in ground and cheese in bag.

Fearing our presence, the dwarves included a magic man in their next effort to keep us from owning their varyingly sized hides. The magician and pals stood no chance against Daku and friends; and shiny man began the onslaught with a shout of “ZOO WEE MAMA” and a double triple axle slash. Daku impressed. Daku has decided that a party only as good as their battle cry and the party of Zoo Wee Mama are gonna kick some ass. Again demon man doesn’t do much (doesn’t even shout zoo wee mama like rest of us). Daku sense recurring theme here. After destroying the small party of dwarves Daku and party decide to raid the treasure houses. Daku finds some shiny rocks, fancy new gloves, and a fashionable new hat. Another successful fashion raid for the order of the now incredibly well-dressed.

Journeying with the poor and stupid

Entry 1:
Quentis talks slowly. Such a bore. I’m ready to make some money. Our group consists of an idiot barbarian, a tiefling, and an elf. Hopefully the elf can provide some sort of semblance of high-brow conversation.


Entry 2:
How is it that the barbarian speaks Goblin? Ridiculous. Regardless, this dwarf problem should be easy to deal with. Time to set off. Adventure awaits!

Entry 3:
We’ve encountered some dwarves. They look suspicious. Also, the eavesdropped. I’m not being biased towards dwarves, I was suspicious of them before they eavesdropped.


Entry 4:
A troll stole a baby; such a filthy creature. I’m beginning to like the barbarian. He listens somewhat.


Entry 5:
We defeated the troll. Dok was pretty kickass and I was a whirling, sword-slinging machine. We rescued the baby too. No money reward, though.


Entry 6:
Hotboxed my helmet again.


Entry 7:
Troll came back. I did a sick flip, in full fucking armor!, and speared that bitch with two javelins. Then the others burnt it, which is apparently what we were supposed to be doing. Valil and I took care of the troll’s head. This is awesome. Adventuring is a blast!

Entry 8:

We’re making camp for the night.


Entry 9:

Woke up to a fire. Great. Wouldn’t have happened on my watch, lemme tell ya.


Entry 10:
Saved a flaming cart. Valil bought a straw doll. Pervert.


Entry 11:

I’m supposed to remember a shop called Tiny’s Wares.


Entry 12:

Went to sleep. For real this time. I took first watch and, as it should have been from the beginning, it was uneventful.


Entry 13:

Doc has a shoulder goblin.


Entry 14:

Came across an ogre guarding a bridge. I am not falling for this nonsense. Paid a gold and got across.


Entry 15:

Ogre’s name is Twowrote.


Entry 16:

We’ve been walking and chatting. Talking about our pasts. It’s chill. Valil’s a douche though. A peasant douche, no less.


Entry 17:

Vezryn tried to put a woman with a broken leg out of her misery. Wtf? And then Doc smashed her leg up even worse. It was nuts.


Entry 18:

Valil is the violent brute I expected him to be. He slapped me, but I refused to hit him back. Bet the fool thinks that means he won. Helios would respect my decision.


Entry 19:

Aw crap, we forgot about the dwarves.

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